[From what he can recall of the matter, he is not sure that Rhaenyra should ever trust Alicent again. But he also isnβt sure that βAlicentβ isnβt lying to him. Does she wish to regain Rhaenyraβs trust in truth? Is it only so that she can betray her in the end?
That she has said what she just did, though, makes him doubt his perception that heβs truly talking to Sansa. She has betrayed his trust, and he has forgiven her.]
Try to understand her, I suppose. Might be that the princess is not given to trust.
I am no maester to aid your husband or your daughter. But it must be a comfort to her to have her mother by her, when her sleep is troubled. I never knew my own mother.
I do understand her. She was my closest friend since I was a child. I know her better than I know myself. [Which is sadly true.] The princess has her own mind.
[It seemed that no matter what Alicent tried, Rhaenyra did not truly wish for her friendship.]
The Maester said that she will outgrow her crying fits. Aegon was no trouble to me. My apologies. Did your mother die?
[βAegonββ¦ that name is a further reminder of who heβs talking to, or who she claims to be. And itβs an unfortunate name for a child, he thinks β too heavy a name. He is a king now, though it weighs on him, and though he did not seek it. But to be born like that, or close enough to fight your sister for itβ¦ it wouldnβt be a happy lot, would it? Being Aegon Targaryen must have its own troubles, as much as being a Snow.]
My father would not speak of her. I donβt know who she was, or if she still lives β but that I have not had word from her in recent days makes me think she must have died by now.
[If you heard that your son was a king, you might try to get word to him, mightn't you? He had not thought of his mother in many years; he had stopped longing to know much about her when he was made Lord Commander. Yet it was only after the Northern lords raised him up, when there was no lady at the gates asking for him, no raven bringing a claim on him, that he was sure: if his mother had not been dead all along, she has died since.]
Edited (repetition ) Date: 2022-09-25 04:07 am (UTC)
My mother died when I was young. Much of my life, I grew without her. I know what the absence of a mother is and you have my sympathies. It is why I wish to be a good mother to my children.
[They were, after all, the only ones that truly loved her. They were the only loves she would have in her life. All of the effort, all of the duty and all of the endurance, it had to be worth it in the end. Without her father at court, the only one who would protect them was her.
She felt sympathy for Jon. That sort of longing and emptiness couldn't be replaced. A father wasn't enough, though she had tried to make him so. You needed someone to explain matters to you that a father could not.]
[He stares at the scroll for a long time, his lips pressed together. He had not expected that to have such a thing said to him, even in letters on paper, would be hard -- would make his stomach tense and his throat close.]
When I was a boy, that was my wish. I thank you for your own kindness, and share your sympathies.
What little I have been told of you -- you have tried to be a good mother to your children.
[You have tried to give one of them a throne, and it will be the end of him.]
[She smiled, pleased that there is something of a reputation building for her as a mother. She had been hidden in the background for so long, but it seemed that some of her effort was reaping rewards.]
It is a pretty dream, to have an heir for the North, but if we fail in this war, succession will be of no concern. There will be no living men in the North to look to a king.
[The rest, he doesn't answer. It would be easier in some ways and harder in others. If Ygritte had lived -- but that's a thought he only allows himself once in a while, late at night with a cup of ale in his hand, and there still isn't much comfort in it.]
[If she were a different woman, she might suggest that love was more important, but such things were beyond her concept. She could only think in terms of duty.]
[When he reads that, he lets out a rueful chuckle. The prospects are grim. He has tried to make it plain that they are grim, but the people don't believe him -- not truly. They imagine war, but what sort of war it is, no one can really imagine until they see it.]
So do I. If we don't -- nothing else matters. It will be the end of everything and everyone. We mean to fight it. We mean to do what we can.
If you live in a time of peace, it's easy to think that things will always be so.
[She had never experienced war, but she had to imagine that it always felt that way. Her father had tried to impart that idea to her, the dangers and risks of supporting Rhaenyra. Political mistakes were life and death, war was likely no different. She dared not write that, certain she would appear the fool.]
Perhaps it may seem that way. Peace too long can leave men restless and aggressive. The tourneys become more bloody and dangerous. Others seek to stir up trouble and move people into the positions they wish.
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no subject
Date: 2022-09-24 10:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-09-24 10:49 pm (UTC)I thought we rekindled that friendship, but she has no trust in me. There is nothing I can do.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-24 10:53 pm (UTC)Can you do something to rebuild it?
no subject
Date: 2022-09-24 11:01 pm (UTC)[She sacrificed her father for Rhaenyra. She had believed her and believed a lie.
Why should she try? If Rhaenyra mistrusted her so much, what would she be willing to do?]
At present, my concern is my daughter and her inability to sleep at night, as well as my husband and his illness.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 12:18 am (UTC)That she has said what she just did, though, makes him doubt his perception that heβs truly talking to Sansa. She has betrayed his trust, and he has forgiven her.]
Try to understand her, I suppose. Might be that the princess is not given to trust.
I am no maester to aid your husband or your daughter. But it must be a comfort to her to have her mother by her, when her sleep is troubled. I never knew my own mother.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 12:53 am (UTC)[It seemed that no matter what Alicent tried, Rhaenyra did not truly wish for her friendship.]
The Maester said that she will outgrow her crying fits. Aegon was no trouble to me. My apologies. Did your mother die?
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 02:44 am (UTC)My father would not speak of her. I donβt know who she was, or if she still lives β but that I have not had word from her in recent days makes me think she must have died by now.
[If you heard that your son was a king, you might try to get word to him, mightn't you? He had not thought of his mother in many years; he had stopped longing to know much about her when he was made Lord Commander. Yet it was only after the Northern lords raised him up, when there was no lady at the gates asking for him, no raven bringing a claim on him, that he was sure: if his mother had not been dead all along, she has died since.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 04:15 am (UTC)[They were, after all, the only ones that truly loved her. They were the only loves she would have in her life. All of the effort, all of the duty and all of the endurance, it had to be worth it in the end. Without her father at court, the only one who would protect them was her.
She felt sympathy for Jon. That sort of longing and emptiness couldn't be replaced. A father wasn't enough, though she had tried to make him so. You needed someone to explain matters to you that a father could not.]
I am certain she was beautiful and kind.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 04:19 am (UTC)When I was a boy, that was my wish. I thank you for your own kindness, and share your sympathies.
What little I have been told of you -- you have tried to be a good mother to your children.
[You have tried to give one of them a throne, and it will be the end of him.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 04:33 am (UTC)My children are all I have.
Are you married?
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 04:41 am (UTC)One day, maybe. We face a war. To have a wife and a child in danger is more than I can bear.
[To have to kill them if the White Walkers get to them first, this wife and child that do not exist, that would be even worse.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 04:57 am (UTC)Warriors need a companion, someone to share the burden. Do you not want someone to speak to during the harsh days?
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 05:01 am (UTC)[The rest, he doesn't answer. It would be easier in some ways and harder in others. If Ygritte had lived -- but that's a thought he only allows himself once in a while, late at night with a cup of ale in his hand, and there still isn't much comfort in it.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 05:12 am (UTC)I hope that you prove victorious.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 05:52 am (UTC)So do I. If we don't -- nothing else matters. It will be the end of everything and everyone. We mean to fight it. We mean to do what we can.
If you live in a time of peace, it's easy to think that things will always be so.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-05 04:56 am (UTC)Perhaps it may seem that way. Peace too long can leave men restless and aggressive. The tourneys become more bloody and dangerous. Others seek to stir up trouble and move people into the positions they wish.
[She was specifically thinking of Daemon.]